I like to call this one: Driving Sra. Crazy

I saw the craziest thing today... a student-driver car. It is crazy because I didn't think anyone here ever learned to drive. You may think I am being harsh, but besides the ants and the constant diarrhea, the driving is the main thing that drives us bonkers. Here are some examples of the craziness.

• Bebe a bordo: I thought these signs were cute at first... like those Baby on Board signs that were popular in the 80s or 90s. Then I started thinking about it and it made me mad. WHY do they have the bebe a bordo signs? You'll see a car with a sign and a bumper sticker and then all of a sudden a little head will pop up in the back seat and you'll realize that there are, indeed, 12 kids on board... and none of them have seatbelts on. So, if it is a safety issue, then why aren't the kids belted in. I think, more than likely, it is supposed to serve as a warning to other cars that there are 12 kids on board (without seatbelts) so please avoid this car at all costs... At first I would get so upset when I saw a car jammed with kids. Now, I figure that as long as my kid isn't in the car then there isn't anything to worry about.

• It kind of makes sense, though. Many people here see their car lights as a way to communicate with other cars and pedestrians. For example, a taxi flashing its lights... he could be letting you know that he is available for rides, or he could be telling you to get the hell out of the way. The other day I was behind a car at an intersection near my house. The driver had her left turn signal on and I waited and waited for her to turn. After a minute or so, she started waving her hands and gesticulating at me like I was the idiot in the situation. Apparently, her LEFT turn signal meant for me to pass her on the left. Oh, how silly of me.

• My personal favorite driving rule is in regards to stoplights. A cop will pull you over if you dare to turn right on red, but the same cop will whistle and wave at you like a crazy-man if you don't turn left on red. You're holding up traffic for Pachamama's sake.

• There are three lanes into and out of the city. In the morning, two lanes are for traffic heading into the city and in the evening two lanes are designated for traffic out of the city. Genius, right? Well, there are a couple of problems with this system. First of all, there's a sign in the city that says that the outbound traffic starts in two of the lanes at 1600 (that's 4pm), but a mile down the road, or so, the sign says that the outbound traffic starts at 1800 (6pm). So you're trucking along out of the city in the outer lane and all of a suddne you see a line of minibuses barreling toward you. Screeeeeeeech. "I thought this was my lane?" Yeah, it was but because of the time difference on a mile stretch of "highway" you have to share it with oncoming traffic. Sometime it isn't the sign's fault. Sometimes, the drivers figure, "Hey, no one is coming, why not drive into the opposing traffic's lane? Who is it going to hurt?

• Someone I work with wanted to get cosmetic surgery done here. Okay, not that this is my only reason for refraining from cosmetic surgery, but seriously, people here can't figure out how to make traffic circles run smoothly. I'm not going to let thme take out half of my stomach! In most places (except Turkey), cars entering a traffic circle usually can do so without stopping. Normally, a good pair of eyes and a light tap on the breaks is all you need, right? Well, without a traffic cop, traffic circles here are a mess. The cars in the circle have the right of way. That means there is a line of traffic entering the circle and if a car has to cross that line of traffic to get to another part of the circle, then the whole project is gummed up. One day it was raining so the traffic cop was gone and it took me at least 5 minutes to get through the traffic circle near our house. Just around the traffic circle. Everyone was honking and waving their arms.

• One of the more frustrating traffic situations is that when you park your car, you have to find a chico or an older woman to watch your car for you. Even with their service, your vehicle still isn't protected. MH took the car out last weekend and had two people watching it at different locations (one was an honest-to-goodness security guard) and still someone tried to break into our car. We know this because they tried to pop open the hood and busted the latching mechanism so the hood was partially open. Nice.

Sound pretty jaded, don't I? Yeah, things have been rough the past month with (like I said) the ants and the almost-constant diarrhea. The Girl was super sick and couldn't eat or drink anything for a few days. The Boy has had the same cough for weeks (although I am pretty sure it isn't Swine Flu), and The Dog had to have surgery on her ear because she got a hematoma that would not heal. But we're bound and determined to look on the bright side. For example, yesterday we had gellato and each cup came with a flourescent-colored shovel. Awesome.